What is the Real World?

I recently heard an argument that 'watching no tv would leave a child unprepared to face the real world'.  This started the wheels in my head and prompted this post.  As I've mentioned before we do not have a tv.  I've heard this argument (children unprepared to face the real world) aimed more often at homeschoolers, so it's a double whammy for me in a sense.  I hope what I say here is coherent.  It is difficult to explain my thoughts in words.  I know I'm not usually this serious and usually more gramatically correct, but I felt it was important to put my thoughts down in my own way of speaking even if they are only for myself. 

I started thinking about what the real world is, and what is real in my world.  I am a real person, I live on earth around other people, and so I conclude that I live in the REAL world.  My 'real world' is full of mostly good things: positive words, morality, love, laughter, kindness, friendship, companionship, safety, etc...  A lot of my world is monotonous: diapers, laundry, dishes, meals, housework, etc...  There are inevitably bad things that I can't avoid in my world: language, images, tragedy, etc...  I largely determine my world, though.  As an individual I have the gift of agency, or the freedom to choose.  My world is mostly full of good (and monotony which is actually good and necessary) because I have chosen to fill my life with good things. 

As a child my parents made a lot of decisions for me because I was not yet old enough to know how to make the best decisions.  As I grew I was allowed more and more freedom.  This was because I'd learned how to make good choices.  In order to make good choices I had to be taught that there were consequences for every choice and had to have adequate information to know what those consequences would be.  As a 13 year old I came to the conclusion that I wanted to make good choices all the time.  That doesn't mean I did make good choices all the time, or that I do now, but it started my life in a focused direction.  Once I came to this conclusion, I started eliminating (as much as possible) things that I recognized were base, crude, and immoral.  That included the things I viewed and listened to.  As I did this, my ability to understand the influence of the filth, and my ability to understand all that is wonderful increased.  As a 13 year old, I had not been exposed to many evil things, yet I did not need that exposure or real experience to be prepared for adulthood because I was blessed with understanding of those things.  I have never smoked a cigarette, yet I don't need the 'real' experience to know that it would be harmful and addictive.  I didn't need to fill my mind with swearing and violence to understand their negative consequences.  I continually had increased opportunities of freedom and continually was taught to understand between good and bad through my teenage years. 

When I was finally on my own in the 'real world' at the age of 18, I wasn't suddenly surrounded by all that was negative and immoral because I still had my agency.  I chose to surround myself with good.  I chose to spend my time with people who were a positive influence on me.  I chose to view and listen to moral things.  I chose to be in places where my standards would not be compromised, and where my life could be filled with all that is moral and happy.  This has become such a focus in my life, that I am very different than a lot of people, and I am incredibly happy.  (Do NOT mistake this statement for an imagined perfection; I am far from that!)  I feel sad at the evils in the world, and because I have experienced such joy that is available to all I want so badly to help eliminate those evils.

As a parent, I have the opportunity to influence my children in this direction.  That has played strongly into our reason for having no tv and for homeschooling.  I am often accused of trying to protect my children from the world.  Guilty as charged!  Is it not my job as a parent to protect these little ones?  Children are sent to parents because they need guidance so they can be prepared to face the world.  I absolutely need to protect them during these tender formative years so they are not confused by the mixed messages out there. 

Do my children have to view filth, hear so many swear words, and view so much violence in order to understand their meaning and impact?  No they don't.  Unfortunately they will have those things enter their minds at some point.  Already a four year old neighbor has introduced them to the fowlest swear word out there (at least the fowlest one I know) and a derogatory way of speaking of what is most sacred while playing in our own backyard.  The exposure will come (and not to my mind a good thing) without my intentionally inviting it into my children's lives.  We discuss immorality, violence, and profanity with them regularly and because they are beginning to understand the impact of evil, they have their eyes and ears open.  They are aware and they are beginning to seek the good.  Their lives are largely filled with the good and they are beginning to desire it. 

-Side note on protecting my children from other people because I'm sure this has come to mind:  Will they learn to interact with other human beings on this earth?  Absolutely.  We don't homeschool because we want to keep them away from other people.  We homeschool because we feel it is the best option for our children at this point.  (Read my earliest posts if you want to understand how we made this decision.)  They have regular opportunities to interact with other children and adults.  They are very social.  We have no worries here.

As they grow they will have opportunities to make their own decisions.  We make most decisions now because they are young.  One thing we determine now is their media exposure.  Do we plan to do that until they leave our home?  Absolutely not.  They will gain greater freedom to choose as they gain greater understanding.  Already, we've allowed Logan opportunities to discern this on his own.  He knows what our family rule is, why we have it, and that we have this rule to prepare him to make his own decision later.  He understands that he is free to choose differently than his parents.  In the meantime we continually teach him what it means to zone out in front of the tv for hours, and the impact of the things he puts into his mind.  We also teach him to recognize the ways in which technology can be used for good purposes. 

Many would argue that my children won't know how to cope as adults when they are shocked by the 'real world'.  I honestly hope they are shocked because then they will do their best to eliminate it.  The fowl, degrading, and immoral in our world shocks me, but does not immobilize me or inhibit my ability to cope.  It should shock because it really is that bad, but it will only be shocking if I am not filling my mind with its filth.  If I accept it, it gains momentum and increases.  Watching it and listening to it are definitely accepting it and will lead to desensitization of the horror of it all.  My children can learn to cope when they encounter these things because they can understand them.  Just as I have learned some of the most important lessons of my life, we can teach them without filling their minds with evil.

When people reference the 'real world', they are talking about all the negative out there.  But the REAL world includes good things.  It includes moral people, families who love each other, parents who live with complete marital fidelity, and individuals serving one another and striving toward God.  It includes kindness, civility, and respect.  There are people who are genuinely happy and joyful, who feel good because of good choices.  There are children who play safely and communities that make positive impacts.  It includes individuals who help others be better.  In fact, I'd say that most of what goes on in the world is NOT the 'real world' as referenced.  I have to wonder why there is so much focus on exposing children to the 'real world' as it is thought of.  Why aren't we worried about exposing them to what really is the REAL world?  Why aren't we worried about making sure they understand and are able to embrace all that is good?  I want to prepare my children to recognize the good around them and to foster its growth.

The things that we put into our minds determine who we are.  To make it extremely simple: good makes good, and bad makes bad.  Most of us fall in between.  I have the chance to observe people all the time, even though I'm a stay at home homeschooling mom.  I watch people who strive to make good choices; they are happy and they are a positive influence in the world around them.  The opposite is true in the other direction.  So if good makes good and bad makes bad, what I fill my life with will determine who I am and my influence on others.  If I choose to not watch a movie that has three swear words in it, that is three fewer times in my life I will have put those swear words in my mind to stay there permanently.  Further, that is three seconds of my life that better things are in my mind.  So if I choose to remove myself from negative influences as much as I am able, I will be replacing those negatives with positives.  Or I could say it in reverse: All moments I spend seeking what is worthy are moments I don't have time for what is not.  I've heard it said that it takes 10 positive comments to make up for 1 negative comment.  I wonder if that might be true for anything in life.  I think negative does stand out a lot more.  I want my 'real world' and my children's 'real world' to be happy, joyful, and moral.  This desire is no fantasy.  It is my personal reality right now as I type.  I believe focusing on good things and filling our lives with good things is the best way to achieve that.  So rather than make sure my children are exposed to the negative out there so they can understand, I need to  worry about exposing them to the positive so that it weighs more heavily in their minds.

Yes, they need to understand that there are bad things out there because they need to know how to make good choices when they face those bad things.  But they also need to understand all that is wonderful about our world so they can strive in that direction.  The thing that you focus on and strive for is what you will obtain.  If I want to learn calculus, I study calculus.  I don't study all the reasons that learning calculus will be hard because then I won't learn calculus!  Instead I'll convince myself that it's impossible.  So if I want to have a happy and moral life, I focus on happy and moral things.  I don't spend my time focusing on filth so I can be informed about the obstacles to a moral and happy life.  I'm going to encounter the filth along the way no matter how sheltered I am, and it will be an obstacle!  It doesn't take intentionally being exposed to it to teach that.  Knowledge of good will foster knowledge of bad without sampling the bad.        

In conclusion, as our children grow we will increase their freedom so they are making more and more responsible decisions.  Then as adults, they will be well prepared to face the 'real world'.  And if they have been taught the consequences for righteous actions versus the consequences for evil, they have no need to sample the filth in order to create their own 'real world' that is positive, happy, and largely without the fowl and immoral.  In the mean time, any time that these children aren't spending with the negative, they are spending with the positive.  So they are gaining a greater appreciation for the happiness that is available to them.  If they understand that, they will want it, and if they want it, they are much more likely to choose it.