Another Look at the Socialization Question

The socialization question is an interesting one, and one that comes up in almost every conversation I've ever had when discussing the pros and cons for homeschooling.  I believed the stereotypes before I started homeschooling.  Since then I've learned a few things. 

1. I now know a LOT of other homeschoolers (whereas I only knew maybe a dozen families before) and I've learned that socialization has more to do with who your parents are than how you were schooled. 

2. Homeschool's best kept secret are the normal kids.  As human beings we tend to notice extreme examples.  I've now met so many homeschoolers that I never would have guessed were homeschooled based on social stereotypes.  The fact is, most homeschoolers come out to be very normal human beings.  Everyone remembers the homeschooled girl who couldn't make friends or work with other people when she finally entered the world as an adult, but no one noticed the masses of others who were just fine.  Chances are, no one knew they were homeschooled.  Everyone also remembers the strange guy who couldn't carry a conversation or pull his weight on a team, but because he was public schooled they just called him an introvert from a weird family.

3. Personal paradigms make all the difference.  I might be bothered by how a kid interacts socially, but if he's not bothered by it, chances are there is nothing wrong with it.  It's okay to be different.  Being happy is what matters, not being accepted. 

4.  There are just as many socially backward public schooled kids as homeschooled kids.  The difference is that when a homeschooled kid is backwards it's ALWAYS blamed on homeschool.  When a public schooled kid is backwards it's blamed on personality or family.  There's something hypocritical about that.  It's true that some parents who are over protective choose to homeschool AND prevent their kids from being around others, but it's important not to confuse the two.  Homeschool does not automatically equate to limited social interaction.  On the contrary, homeschooled children have a tendency to have better manners and greater respect for other people because they are learning how to behave from their parents vs. other children all day long.  They aren't necessarily limited in their opportunity to learn how to be around people, work as a team, problem solve, etc.  Quite frankly, that's even better learned when around siblings all day in a less controlled environment.  Also, I've said it before, but there are limitless opportunities for kids to be around people outside of the home.

Interestingly, when public schools were created in England it was to educate the lowest class in order to give them some basic skills so they could be contributors to society.  The upper class mainly had private tutors in the home (AKA homeschool), and the middle class hired tutors when they could afford it or else sent their children to good private schools.  They didn't want their children socialized in the public setting because those children were viewed as crude and rude.  They sought to socialize their children in the home because that was how they created respectful, moral adults.  

5. The way society dictates we need to be 'socialized' is not necessarily right or best for everyone.  There's this idea that we should all fit a certain general mold or we won't be happy or successful in life.  A lot of homeschoolers are tagged as 'weird' because of their personal appearance.  Is there anything truly wrong with dressing differently?  It means that they were raised without the worry of how to look cool to fit in with the crowd, and it also means that they will be less likely to judge based on personal appearance.  That sounds freeing to me.  Yes, a homeschooler is likely to be unaware of certain social stigmas.  My 7 year old son has no idea that girls have 'cooties' (or whatever today's equivalent is) or that it's not cool to play with kids who aren't his same age (especially his sister).  He has no idea that it's nerdy to pull his pants up to his rib cage or that he's too old to wear Thomas the Train underwear.  He has no idea that there's a 'crowd' to fit into.  He hasn't been trained to talk and walk like the other cool kids, and some will look at him strangely for that.  Is there anything wrong with that?   He's learning how to work with others, solve social dilemmas (I don't want to share my LEGOs!), be respectful, make friends, and be a friend.  He has a mom who likes people who is most likely going to pass that on to him.

My number one reason for homeschooling is because I DON'T want the kind of socialization that happens in public schools.  I DON'T want my kids being trained that it's important to comply with the masses.  I DON'T want my impressionable children to mainly be taught by other immature impressionable children 8 hours a day, 5 days a week because, quite frankly, that's most of what goes on in public school.  Sure they learn academics from their teachers, but mostly they learn the sociality of other kids.  I don't believe that's the best way to raise responsible, respectful adults.  How does a child learn to be an adult from other children?

6. Something that concerns me about the socialization question is that it appears to be the biggest reason people advocate public school over homeschool.  That worries me because it's essentially saying it's the government's job to teach our children how to behave, that parents aren't capable.  Families are the most fundamental unit of society; they are the only place that is set up to PROPERLY train children.  

7. Finally, there isn't a perfect system.  Public, private, charter, homeschool, online school, and combinations have their strengths and weaknesses.  There are sacrifices to be made for each path.  We are on earth to learn, and are imperfect adults who are still learning while trying to give our children the best start in life they can have.  We can't do it perfectly.  You can't cram EVERY advantage, EVERY area of learning, and EVERY skill into a childhood.  So it should be expected that children grow up with different abilities and knowledge.  Maybe homeschoolers stand out more because they aren't part of the regular mold, but it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with their mold.  The trick as a parent is to weigh your options with as much accurate information as possible and choose the path that best fits your goals, and, of course, to approach it prayerfully.  I know for a fact that homeschool is the best option for my family because it was a spiritual decision in the first place.  As I've pursued it, I've found that logic agrees with my decision because it meets my goals for my family. 

Maybe this was redundant.  I've tried before to address this question and haven't been completely satisfied with my output.  I'm not sure if I'm satisfied this time to be honest.  We'll see.  I keep trying because I firmly believe it's misunderstood, and that there are a lot of parents scared off of homeschooling (who honestly want to try) because of the socialization scare.