The Best and the Worst of Homeschooling

We homeschool, in the first place, because we had clear spiritual confirmation that it was the right thing for our family (before we even had kids).  I had ZERO desire to do it before that, and basically that inspiration came without my seeking it.  AFTERWARDS I began seeing the possibilities, and when we finally had school age children the reasons started piling up.  There are innumerable things I love about this homeschooling journey now.  There are a few aspects of it that really challenge me.  For fun, I've decided to list some of our joys and some of my personal challenges.

Top 10 Things I Love About Homeschooling
(That come to mind at the moment.)

1. Time with my children.   (You'll notice this is also #1 on my top challenges list...ha ha!)  I love that we have plenty of time together everyday.  I love the chance for quality experiences.  I love that we can cuddle at our leisure and have all the story time we want.  I love that we can constantly build these relationships.  I feel like it is so easier to develop these relationships because we have this time together.

2. Time in general.  We have time for so much.  Academics require very little time when each child is allowed to work at their own pace.  We have time for field trips, for LONG library trips, for socializing, for learning to work, for developing relationships, and for LOTS of free play.  I love that they have time to be kids.  I love that they have time to run outdoors.  I'm grateful that we have time to work as a family everyday; I think it would be more difficult for me to teach my children work if they were gone most of the day.

3. No rush.  Once a week, we use an alarm to wake up and have a mad morning rush to make it to church on time.  It's NOT my favorite thing (the rush that is).  I do NOT love rushing my kids to groom and eat, and then not having time for morning chores.  I'm so grateful that I don't have to do this every morning.  Instead everyone can wake up when they are fully rested.  We can eat breakfast together AND enjoy morning conversation while we're at it.  We can cuddle if we want to.  We have time to complete our morning chores and start the day organized and fresh.  During the day, we don't need to rush through our studies and activities.  Our evenings aren't (usually) rushed because we're already home and there is no homework to complete before we can move onto evening activities.

4. Watching them LOVE learning.  Because each child is able to learn at his/her own pace, they love to learn.  They aren't stressed; they aren't bored.  They are engaged and they feel good.  They love to discover, and it is so fun being part of that.  They have plenty of time to learn about the things they are interested in, and they DO.  After I'd stepped away from kidschool today, it was awesome to hear my 8 year old excitedly commenting about the interesting things he was learning as he devoured a book about the US presidents and states.  I loved listening to my 7 year old giggle about the poor spelling example (which was intended to be funny) in a book she was reading the other day.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE how they devour books, haul them everywhere with us, and get distracted by them ALL DAY LONG.

5. Being able to incorporate our core beliefs into all of our learning.  This is so important to me.  I want my kids to gain strong testimonies and have strong moral values more than anything else.  If I had to choose between an honest child or one who could read, I would choose honesty hands down.  If the choice was between having personal knowledge that they are children of God or the ability to perform mathematical computations, the former would win out every time.  Thankfully, we can have both, but I LOVE that I can focus on the first every time.  I LOVE that we can incorporate a Gospel perspective into everything that we study.  I LOVE that we have time to address core values all day long if it's what is really needed (like when being kind to your siblings REALLY needs to come into focus).

6. Taking breaks whenever we want or need them/ creating our own schedule.  On the first snow day of the year we ALWAYS spend the day playing in the snow.  The first week that it actually feels like spring, we usually take a full week off of school to enjoy the sunshine.  When we have time for a family vacation, we take one.  When everyone is sick (especially if Mom is pregnant sick AND viral sick) we can have a free day.  When our school rhythm is off, we can take a step back for a few days and then start again with better attitudes and motivation.  On the inverse, when we want to have school on an actual 'snow day' we can; when we're ready to learn in the summertime we do.

7. Learning in a variety of ways.  Our family's favorite method to learn is books and discussions; we all love to read and talk.  However, we also love science projects, art projects, outdoor exploration, field trips, games, and other fun hands on activities.  I feel so privileged to do these things with my kids.

8. Flexibility.  I love having the flexibility to rearrange our time, add things into our schedule, and drop things when we aren't ready for them (or realize they aren't worth our time).  I love that we're able to spend all day learning about 'x' when everyone is too interested to stop.  I love that we can say 'nevermind' when another book is boring everyone to tears.  When my child grasps a math concept like she was born knowing it, we're able to move forward right then (or backwards in the opposite case).  We can let evening activities take us past bedtime when we feel the need (like when Dad works late and we decide to stay up for some family time), and then let the kids wake up when they're rested the next morning.

9. The freedom to be themselves and thrive.  My two boys battle anxiety in a big way.  Their anxieties often create barriers in their ability to learn and progress.  If they feel pressured, huge walls come up.  Even when they want to tear those walls down, they have big struggles doing so.  I'm sure that Heavenly Father knew this would be one our special challenges when He helped us see that we should homeschool.  I can see how being sent away to a school environment would have been too much for these little guys of mine, and how their walls would have immobilized them.  On the other hand, I think my older daughter would have been completely bored with her school work and thus have missed out on the enjoyment of learning.  I'm also grateful that she isn't in an environment that will feed her naturally competitive nature so much; she's competitive to a fault, and we are constantly working with her to tone it down to a healthy and kind level.

10.  Individualized learning.  I've already mentioned a few times how wonderful it is that they get to learn at their own speeds.  This removes so much of the stress of education.  Not only are they able to work at an appropriate pace, but they are able to learn about the things they are interested in and develop their unique talents.  No one can learn everything in a lifetime, and certainly no child can learn everything in a childhood, so I love being able to focus on what is best for each child.  Very little of their learning time is wasted on things they aren't paying attention to or that they can't understand.  They have the opportunity to develop their individual genius in whatever area(s) that may be.  It's awesome.

My Personal Top 5 Homeschooling Challenges

1. Time with my children...AKA few breaks.  While I would sincerely miss my kids if they were gone for hours every day, there are times that I feel pretty worn out with parenting.  The school part isn't difficult for me, but the parenting part often is.  I'm grateful for a husband who is willing to let me have a break anytime he is available. 

2. Towing kids for errands, shopping, and appointments.  If you want to see our family at our worst, just follow us into Wal-mart or listen outside the teeny tiny room they put us in for my OB appointments.  Yesterday, my doctor was running quite behind so we had a full hour in that itty bitty room.  At one point, a nurse came in and very kindly offered the kids suckers because she said she could hear we were having a hard time.  Through the door I'm sure she could hear Abby squealing at her brother and me saying things like, "Stop touching the computer.  Leave the stirrups alone.  That garbage can is yucky.  That makes your sister cry.  Etc.."  Whenever we go shopping, I receive the comment, "You sure have your hands full," more times than I can count.  Public errands are by far the most difficult thing I do with all of my kids in tow.  Hands down, this is the one thing I would love to do with fewer kids!  Ha!

3. Worrying that I'll mess things up.  This is probably the #1 challenge for the homeschooling population in general.  Thankfully, it's not often a huge problem for me...most of the time.  At times, I worry about it though.  I worry that my patience is running out because I need a break and I'm going to ruin my kids with bad parenting (see #1); this is the biggest way I worry.  I also sometimes worry that I'm not teaching them what they really need to know or that I'm doing it the wrong way.   

4. Using the wrong approach.  We've been caught in this trap a few times.  Mostly it comes from those moments when I'm worrying about what the world thinks my kids should be doing/ learning, and then I try to do it.  On occasion it's just a matter of finding out an approach is wrong while in the midst of it, and stubbornly sticking to it for too long.  There is so much freedom in being able to recognize when things are going this way and then switching directions, and so much misery in sticking to something that isn't working.

5.  Worrying about what other people think.  This catches me more often than it should and the result is that I sometimes lose trust in the inspiration I've received for my family.  Things go awry when I'm worrying about others' opinions, and they go well when I simply trust the things I know are right for us.

Parenting Challenges: Finding Peace

Sometimes I wonder how my parenting struggles measure up to those around me.  Do other kids act like mine?  Do they yell and scream at their parents, at least sometimes?  Not that I want other kids to scream at their parents, but am I alone in this?  What about those families that seem SO happy; the ones that I can tell are sincerely, patiently doing their best in this parenting challenge?  Do they ever feel like it's the end of the world when their kid does 'x'?  Are they ever shocked by the words that come out of their child's mouth?  I am forever asking myself if everything will be okay. 

I want SO much for my children.  I want so badly for these little people of mine to grow up happy and full of love.  I want so much for them to gain testimonies of their own that they are children of God and that He loves them.  I want to be with them for eternity.  I want to see them make the choices that will bring happiness.

We have this family goal that we talk about.  It give us vision and direction for our daily lives.  We plan to have a big reunion 24 years from now, and as part of that reunion go to the temple together.  The temple reminds us that we can be an eternal family; that is our bigger goal.  We talk about this as we face the daily challenges of life.  We remind each other that what we REALLY want is to be together.

At times, however, I feel completely defeated.  I struggle with having faith enough that my family will make it; that I will make it.  Recently when my oldest, who is only eight years old, told me about something he's been doing wrong I was shocked.  I firmly believe that my own bad example is where he'd learned this behavior in the first place and he'd magnified it to an incredible degree.  My own failing in this thing was something that was very rare, and he'd told me it was something he was doing with amazing frequency.  I felt so responsible.  I felt like it was the end of the world.  I was discouraged in my ability to be a mother and fearful of the future.  That whisperer of lies told me to believe that this was only the beginning of much worse things to come and that there was no hope.

I've felt this way at other times with my children.  I've often wished I could actually see into other families so I could know if they were going through the same thing.  I've especially wondered about those families that seem so happy to me.  It's not about comparison; it's not about being better or worse than someone else.  For me, it's about hope.  It's the thought that if those other happy families can get through this, so can we.

The crazy thing is that I know there's always hope and nothing is really the end.  I know that we can make it through anything.  I know that we have a loving Heavenly Father who is mindful of our every need, and a Savior who has felt all of our pains and who knows EXACTLY how to help us.  I know that there is nothing that can't be overcome through the power of His Atonement.

Yet, I do feel this way at times.

While I know this path requires a lot of faith, I'm grateful for those tender mercies that strengthen my faith, for those times that He sees fit to let me SEE that there is hope.  Last night I had such an experience.  After a wonderful women's conference that was all about families (and during which I shed some tears), I went with some other women to grab dessert and socialize.  I am so blessed to know these women.  These are women who are positive and who lift me in ways they don't realize.  They've strengthened me in so many ways since we've lived here, and their love has helped me through struggles that none of them know about.   These are the mothers of those happy families I keep referencing.

Anyway, as we visited we talked about our children, and amazingly some of the things I've been worrying about came out.  I listened as they shared some of the things they've gone through as parents, some of the disappointing moments with their children.  The conversation touched on the exact issue I'd just gone through with my son, and it strengthened my feeling that there is hope.

That conversation reminded me of something I've been wondering for some time, so I turned to the friend beside me and asked her if her oldest son ever yells (because mine DOES).  If anyone's child doesn't yell, it would be hers.  She's that awesome and patient and gentle, and so is her husband.  This particular son of hers is VERY soft spoken and well mannered.  We absolutely love this kid and are thrilled that our son gets to be his friend.  She responded with a laugh and the comment that it had been a difficult week in that arena.  In some ways it seems ridiculous, but this really made me feel better.  

After each discouraging moment with my kids, I pick myself up and find hope.  I exercise faith.  I try harder to teach them and set a good example.  I search for peace and refocus on becoming an eternal family.  But sometimes a little encouragement seems to fill the final gap, and for that I am grateful.

A Day In the Life

Each year our school routines change, and so I like to document what a typical day looks like every so often.  Here's a look at how things are going this year (including some repeat pictures because they demonstrate well).

Mornings: The kids take every chance they get to read between morning tasks.  It's our family's form of distraction.  Ha ha!  Any number of times each day I start a sentence with, "You may not read until..."

Right now our morning routine includes (besides snatches of reading moments): Dressing/ grooming, breakfast, making beds, morning chores (dishes for Logan and Annie, and usually laundry for me), personal scripture study (me, Logan, Annie), and I try to squeeze in a workout for myself.

We often cuddle in the mornings (still) and I don't like to rush, so we generally aim to start kidschool around 10 or 10:30am.  This gives us plenty of time for our morning tasks, plus extra (for reading, right?).

This year, I've taken to writing our kidschool schedule out on a whiteboard each day.  It doesn't actually change anything we do, but it's made a surprising difference with the kids.  I can tell them what is planned, but SEEING it seems to make them believe me or something. They pretty much always want to do what is planned, but before I was writing things out they'd misbehave and we'd waste a lot of time working on being nice to each other.  Then we often didn't have time for the final activity (I generally save the best one for last).  Now they stay focused on wanting to do everything on the list, so they cooperate with each other better.

Here's our general kidschool schedule:
-Family devotional (prayer, scriptures, songs, articles of faith, pledge of allegiance)
-3-5 Learning activities (one of which is almost always read aloud time)
     *Recent Example: Math Riddles, Doctor Doolittle Read Aloud, Human Body Book, Personal Goal Time
     *Another Recent Example: Story Game (write a sentence, pass, write a sentence, pass, etc...FUN writing practice), Alex Choose a Read Aloud Story, Logan Choose a Non Fiction Read Aloud (he chose a long book about Ellis Island this last time), Annie Choose a Math Activity

Some of the regular personal goals the kids are working on are: Book It! (below Logan is showing how he read the unabridged '20,000 Leagues Under the Sea' for that goal), Cub Scouts, Faith In God, and dance.  They also set shorter term goals as they determine other things they want to work on.

 I don't tend to take pictures during kidschool much, but here's an example of what Alex might choose when it's his turn to select read alouds.  He almost always has a stack of books next to him (he even sleeps with a large stack of books).

For math activities, we continue with our 5 A day reviews as needed, use manipulatives to learn new concepts (i.e. Legos for division recently), use math riddle books that take us through a variety of concepts in a fun way (and give word problem practice), play math games, and hash out concepts as needed (rare because we can usually learn each concept by manipulation or through a game).  Annie and Logan are working at about the same level this year, but they both have their strengths in this area.  Alex is gaining confidence with counting and continues to show us that he understands numbers (even if he forgets their names and orders...ha ha!).  He joins us for activities that include concepts such as multiplication and division, and continually shows that he understands HOW it works.  In this picture, he is playing with a 'Perplexus' that Logan received for Christmas; he LOVES this toy and we've discovered that it is a fantastic way to practice counting.  Each obstacle has a number all the way through 125, so we count as he goes through.

This picture is hilarious, so I've included it.  Annie sometimes practices her tap and ballet dances during 'Personal Goal Time'.  This day she tied toilet paper on her ankles in order to practice with 'tap bows'.  Ha ha!

We study science, history, and social sciences largely through our read alouds and discussions, but we sometimes find ways of making these areas more hands on.  We gave the kids a 'Human Body Book' for Christmas that included the pieces to create a human model.  The kids couldn't agree if our model should be male or female so they chose a name that could be either.  Behold Aaron/ Erin!

We also include fine motor/ exploration activities such as painting, drawing, other art, puzzles, cooking, and logic games during our week. 

 After kidschool we generally clean up and then have free time (during which Abby naps and the others read, play, or pursue other interests) until dinner.  After dinner, we have family time as many evenings as possible.

I asked the kids to pose for this picture to show that they'd done a fine job with their cleaning (after the house had been DESTROYED), and much to my surprise Abby joined in.

This is the BEST picture I have of my four kids; Abby always resists!

Family Reading Culture

One of my FAVORITE things about homeschooling is our family's reading culture.  It's something we've nurtured intentionally, and it never gets old.  These kids read ALL THE TIME, and I can't get enough.  Every morning I come downstairs to see them reading while they wait for breakfast, and it just makes my heart happy.  As they read throughout the day, I continue to rejoice.  It is wonderful on so many levels.

They learn so much from everything they read.  I'm a firm believer in letting them read at all levels from quality books.  We seek to have quality books of all levels in our home.  There is something to be gained from a great book no matter what age it's aimed at.  There are story books that speak strongly to me, as well as heavy adult literature (War and Peace for example), and everything in between.  I think it's about what is gained.  A quote attributed to Mortimer Adler says, "In the case of good books, the point is not how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you."  That's exactly how I feel.

Recently, I decided to take pictures of their many reading positions in just one morning.  I love how this (unintentionally) shows the many levels of reading they experience on a regular basis.  It's also a VERY typical morning around here.

Story books.

Logan moved onto a history book maybe?

Next I found him getting warm (the vent blows from under that cabinet) while reading '20,000 Leagues Under the Sea'.

Annie moved onto something longer (Mrs. Piggle Wiggle maybe?).

After breakfast, Abby joined her sister.

Alex grabbed his own stack of books while waiting for Annie and Logan to finally eat breakfast and complete their morning work.

Logan decided to get dressed and then eat while continuing his book from before.  (I often have to tell the kids to take their books off of the table so we can finish meals.)

After he finished his morning work, he moved onto a science book while waiting for kidschool to start.

Abby also continued to look at books while waiting for everyone.

This is from another day, but I include it because it shows another aspect of our reading culture.  They see reading as a fun activity to do together.  Although they have very individual personalities and enjoy very different types of books, they still love to read together.  Annie especially loves to read story books out loud to Alex; they sit together with a stack of books almost every afternoon.

School Fun

January was WONDERFUL!  After a month of viruses, pregnancy issues (normal ones), car craziness (see our family blog), and holidays it felt SO good to have school as normal.  I was an especially wonderful momma because I included several messy activities during the month, including at least FOUR paint days (we're usually doing pretty good if we have TWO for the WHOLE year) one of which used permanent ACRYLIC paint.  Oh yeah!  Here are some of our more fun/ artsy activities from last month.

Abby has loved being included with her own activities.

Annie painted some sun catchers.

Alex made a birdhouse.

Everyone moved onto watercolor at some point the same day.

Abby loves to color.

 Logan made a goal to read the unabridged version of '20,000 Leagues Under the Sea' this month.  It was a good challenge for him, but he did it!

 Abby posed for a picture because she always wants to be included.

 Alex painted his birdhouse on another day, and apparently I failed to take a finished picture.

More suncatcher art.

Logan did some experiments with a rock kit.

Aquadoodle on another day.

Mid-January I found a gingerbread man kit at the store for $1.  Gingerbread decorating/ building is one of my favorite Christmas activities, and one that we missed out on this year.  So I bought the kit and we decorated gingerbread men during school one day.

Abby just wanted to eat the one she and I made.

Another fun activity was building a human body model while learning about our bodies.  Meet Aaron/Erin whose gender changes based on which child you talk to.

Being INTENTIONAL With Education

There are many ways to give our children an education, and what is best for each family will take many forms.  I believe it is important for ALL parents to intentionally seek what is best for their own children.  Needs, abilities, and resources vary greatly.  With that being said, and without being an expert, I'd like to suggest two things to all parents in order to honestly make/ confirm (if your children are already school age) this important decision.

Take an inventory and do some research. 

By an inventory, I mean ask yourself three honest questions. 

1.  'What are the most important things I want for my child/ children?'  Look at ALL aspects of life.  My answers to this question for my kids include things like love for their Savior, strong family relationships, good work ethics, and a love of learning.  Actually, those are my top four.  Put your answers in order so you can see what your priorities are. 

2.  'What do I want to see academically for my child/ children?' or 'What do I think he/ she/ they should learn?'  For each, answer 'Why is this important?' and then prioritize that list.  Be sure to answer 'why' for each thing.  If you find that your honest answer is because you feel some sort of pressure from the 'experts' or the world around you and you don't have another good reason, be willing and ready to evaluate/ research if that thing IS important or not; then decide for yourself.  Really focus on your child's strengths, weaknesses, interests, and learning style(s) when you do this part.

Part of mine looks something like this: Love to learn because if they love it, they will do it willingly, continually, and they will learn so much more.  Be allowed to go at their own pace because that will make it a happy experience and, in truth, I can't actually MAKE them learn very much.  Learn to read because books allow them to learn just about everything.  Learn certain life skills (i.e. cooking) because I believe it's important to contribute to the family and I want them to be able to take care of their own families someday. 

3. 'What would the good and bad aspects of 'X type of education' be for my family?'  Make a list for each and consider things like academics, family relationships, friendships, work, play, ethics, and morals.  Look at your previous priority lists for some guidance on this.  I've found that focusing on my top priorities tends to help things fall in place.

If your inventory leads to a private or public option for education, research that.  There are many types of schools available.  Be sure that you are doing what is best for YOUR family considering all factors.  There may be groups (i.e. facebook, yahoo, local parent groups, etc.) dedicated to supporting these options.  Educate yourself on what will be taught in 'X' school and others' experiences with it.

Now, if your inventory leads you to consider homeschooling, let's talk about some research.  You might be thinking: 'How do I do this?',  ' CAN I do this?', 'I don't know where to start!'  It's scary to take the road less travelled, especially for the first time.  Actually, I'm convinced that is THE hardest part about homeschooling, at least for many. 

While I believe strongly in the method I use, I recommend reading about multiple methods to see which ones will best fit with the priorities you've identified in your inventory.  There are so many ways to go about homeschooling (canned curriculums, winging it, child led, parent led, specific philosophies like Charlotte Mason, unschooling, etc.).  Identifying what will fit your family best will greatly increase your confidence and save you much frustration (and probably money too).  I will add that prayer played an important role in our family's decision.

It can also be really helpful to join some of homeschool groups where you can ask specific questions, and glean from the other conversations.  These are available on facebook, yahoo, locally just about everywhere, and probably many other places that I'm unaware of.  I'm part of several on facebook including a few for my specific style, a general one with others from my religion, and one for my local area.  They are a great source for support, information, and ideas. 

Here's a very short 'how' with what has worked best for my family and which I think can be applied to all situations.

1. Environment.  I've found that creating a great learning environment is inspiring.  For us it's very simple: we have lots and lot of books...everywhere...and we are regulars at the library.  We also have very limited electronic media use.  Kids will naturally gravitate to and use what they are surrounded by.  This is especially true when distractions are minimalized, which is why we limit electronics so much.  A great learning environment will look different in every home.  Some people will have lots of art supplies available, some will have maps everywhere, some will have lots of educational games, and many have a combination.  Identify your biggest distractions and reduce them, at least for school hours.  Some common distractions are media, messes, and noise (including crying and fighting children).

2. Love of Learning.  If I aim for a love of learning, I find that I can usually figure out how to teach my children on their level AND make it enjoyable for all of us.  It helps me keep an appropriate amount of pressure for school activities, and helps me relax enough to receive inspiration for what they need from me.  I can't say enough for allowing a child to work at their own pace and according to what they REALLY need.  The right pace makes all the difference in the world.  It means the difference between a happy experience and a miserable one, and it lays the groundwork for a child to willingly learn their whole life through.  It also takes much LESS time for a child to master something when they are allowed to learn it WHEN THEY ARE READY.  Academic skills (which is primarily what most are focused on at the elementary ages) can often be learned very quickly; we waste a lot of time and effort, and risk developing a 'hate of learning' when these things are pushed at the wrong times.

3. Reasonable and Realistic Goals.  When I look at my own priority list, and consider my own strengths, weaknesses, and life factors (schedule, family duties, environment, etc.), as well as the same for my children, I can set good goals for our school days.  The priority list is HUGE in this.  I have to be reasonable with myself and my children.  When I am, things are happy and smooth.  

Last, on the topic of research I'll briefly mention the method I subscribe to.  It's called a Thomas Jefferson Education: Leadership Education (TJEd).  Basically it's a principle based method that can be applied in any setting.  It gives an understanding of HOW children naturally progress through learning phases, and principles to best guide them.  I love it because it allows me to teach academics the same way I teach my kids our religion.  It's natural, happy, and inspired.  I'm able to throw out anything that doesn't work and pull in anything that does.  If anything I've said previously, or in my blog posts ring true for you and your family, I HIGHLY recommend looking into TJEd.  The intro book is a very easy, straightforward read.  Here's the webpage: http://www.tjed.org/  A good place to start is by reading their introductions on the 7 Keys and the Phases of Learning.

Finally, I'll share a couple of resources.  Here are two FABULOUS homeschool blogs:

http://simplehomeschool.net/

http://www.lolipoplearning.blogspot.com/

Update

School is moving along, and I haven't been taking many pictures, so I tend to forget the things the are noteworthy.  Overall, things are happy and interesting.  Some of what we've been up to includes: lots of reading (shocker, I know), science experiments, Cub scout activities, pen-paling, and lots of discussion.  So, pretty much like normal, but normal is SO good.

These pictures are on our family blog, but they totally relate to school.  This gratitude tree was a school activity one day.

We also had our first snow day (where we skipped school to play in the snow) last week.  :)

Finally, we'd like to announce that our 'class' will be growing soon!