Why I Love Homeschool, Reason #11

Peace and Calm

I didn't anticipate the peace and calm that would come to my children through homeschooling.  I actually thought we'd have the opposite.  It just isn't true for us, though.  As soon as we start school for the day, a calm settles over everybody, and I find myself marveling at the peaceful atmosphere that has become our home.  Messes aren't being made.  No one is fighting.  The kids are calmly, wonderingly, and respectfully discussing what we're learning.  They cuddle together to hear Logan or me read aloud.  They sit together to do an activity.  After I step away from our time together and put Alex down for his nap, Annie and Logan usually continue to quietly pursue whatever we've just been doing for a while.  I love stepping back at these moments to watch them.  Things feel rather perfect at these times.  

We also have a direct correlation between the length/ quality of school time and the feelings of harmony for the rest of the day.  If we've had good school time, everyone gets along better and our home feels less chaotic.  If I've skipped school time for some reason or made it really short, the opposite is very often true.  I suspect the routine has something to do with it, but I also believe that it's more owing to the fact that school time tends toward quality mom and kid time.

Complying With the Homeschool Law

 Each state has different laws regarding homeschool.  Thus far, I haven't found them to be intimidating in the two states we've lived in.  You can find information for any state's law here.

Anyway, where we live I have several options I can choose from to fulfill my obligation to the state law.  The option we've chosen for now is to have monthly visits from a resource teacher.  Our local school district lined us up with her, and we're quite happy with how it's going.  At first I wondered if she'd be 'checking up' on me, but that really isn't her role and I'm glad.  She's literally a resource for us.  She always asks how things are going and if there is anything she can help me with.  For instance, she helped me find some information (that I hadn't been able to find) about math competitions when Logan expressed that desire.  Now I know what his options are starting next year if he still wants to pursue it.  During most of her visit she does a fun low stress activity with the kids.  We really like her and thoroughly enjoy her visits.  :)

Last week, we had our monthly visit with her.  She brought a couple of stories, gingerbread cookie dough, and a craft that all went together.  The kids had a great time, and afterwards I was marveling at how much fun we'd just had (and always have) 'complying with the law'.  Hence, this post.  :)

Always Learning

Jim was a student for the first five years of our marriage, and hopefully will be a student again before long.  :)  So we've had many long days/ evenings where the kids and I needed to leave Jim alone so he could study and complete homework.  We've become rather accustomed to having good Daddy time ever since he graduated, so the week before our trip was a familiar novelty.  He was working really hard every evening to be caught up at work before the trip, and for several days he was busy in particular with a specific problem.  I had to take pictures because it felt like he was doing homework all over again!  The kids were also really curious about how hard he was working on his math.  (I really like seeing how hard my husband works.)

Tackling Fears and Dispelling Myths

While on our wonderful long vacation (we're back finally) I had several opportunities to discuss my favorite topic with friends and strangers: homeschool.  This left me excited to write a post to anyone who has ever considered homeschooling, criticized homeschooling, wondered about homeschooling, feared homeschooling, wished they had more time with their kids, or even given homeschooling a thought for that matter.  So this is for just about everyone.  :) 

I seriously want to offer encouragement here, and shed some light on a highly misunderstood subject.  I've met so many parents who "would homeschool, but can't because...".  The end of that sentence is usually a fear they have convinced themselves to be reality.  It's hard to consider doing the unknown and taking the less beaten path.  We're invested in our kids and we don't want to mess up in raising them!  I was terrified to begin this path!  I am convinced that there are many families out there that would LOVE homeschooling if they had the nerve to try it.  I want to encourage those parents specifically.  This has been (and is) one of the best experiences of my life.

Fears:
 I wouldn't know where to start if I homeschooled my kids. 
It would be a big fight everyday.
I don't know how to be a teacher.
It would be too hard.
I could never get my kids to sit down to schoolwork.
I would have to make daily lesson plans and that would be too much work on top of running a household.

Here are my two not-so-secret ingredients for homeschooling success in our family:

1. Give my children my undivided attention for a minimum of two hours each day.  Yes it usually takes longer than two hours, and children who love learning will always spend way more than two hours each day.  The two hours is my starting point and what they need from me.  That much of my time kick starts them for independent learning.  Homeschooling takes no where near as much time as a typical public school day.  In fact, I would spend more time getting my children ready in the morning, getting to and from school, and making sure they completed their homework each day.  That sounds exhausting to me!  My undivided attention is the key in our day.

2. Make sure that time has the right amount of pressure.  I can gauge how well our time has been by how happy the kids have been.  A certain amount of pressure helps them excel, but too much makes it miserable.

I seriously take these two things into consideration and let everything else slip to the background.  This allows me to relax and be ready to receive inspiration on those other small points that come into play with homeschooling.  If I really am giving them my undivided attention, and I'm focusing on making that time positive and inspiring for all of us (correct amount of pressure) they learn by leaps and bounds.  I have all the inspiration I need and so I can gauge what they need to learn next.  It's true.  Kids naturally want to learn.  There are things that we can do as parents and teachers to reverse this natural love of learning.  That happens a lot in the public schools which is where a lot of these fears come from.  There are also a lot of things that we can introduce into a child's environment that has the same unintentional effect.

Here are some specific tips that help us have a positive and real learning experience every day:

1. Turn off the digitial media during school hours, or all the time if you have the courage; you won't regret it.  This is mainly what I was referring to when I stated that environment can reverse a natural love of learning.  It is easier to be entertained than to work.  Learning is work and when easy entertainment is available, few children will want to do any type of work.  (This is true for housework too.)  The more time I spend on the computer or watching movies, the less my desire to do anything worthwhile.  Digitial media is especially distracting and mind numbing to children.  If it is not available, they will naturally gravitate to activities that engage their brains and bodies.  If it is not available, they will want to fill those curious minds of theirs.  I'll add that it is helpful to have zero digital media time BEFORE school hours each day because of its mind numbing effects.  We had a time period where my kids were seeing cartoons for a short time each morning when I went to the YMCA.  We had to start attending a different YMCA because I quickly noticed that this was negatively affecting their attention spans, attitudes, and desire to learn.  As soon as we made the switch, the problems disappeared.

2. Start simple.  If you're just starting to homeschool, the many subject areas and academic measures can seem overwhelming.  Relax.  You don't have to teach everything at once, nor do you have to teach everything that the public school is teaching.  Feel free to create your own academic measures.  What do you feel is important for your child to learn?  Odds are you have your own ideas if you're thinking about homeschool.  I place a lifetime love of learning a lot higher than reading, writing, and arithmetic personally.  However, reading, writing, and arithmetic are skills that I consider valuable. 

Pick just one or two areas to focus on initially and set aside two dedicated hours for school each day.  Maybe this is teaching a young child to read and add or maybe it is a subject your child already loves or one you already love.  If your child is really young  (6 or younger) you may just spend the time coloring and playing Hi Ho Cherry-O initially.  That's exactly how we started.  Start there and go at your child's pace.  Take a few minutes each day for your chosen subject(s), and go as long as your child is actually learning.  Jump around in a subject if it means real learning versus methodical drudgery.  Then read to or with your child from a book that just sounds interesting until you're tired.  Spend the whole time reading to your child sometimes.  Get into the routine first.  Once you're comfortable it's easy and natural to add more.  The ideas and inspiration will come, I promise.  YOU are the one your child was sent to which means YOU are the best qualified to teach your child.  I personally wouldn't start with a whole curriculum because that would be overwhelming and likely wouldn't suit me and my child.  It can take time to find curriculum that inspires your child, and odds are each subject will come from different curriculum.  Take your time, but give your child your time and it will all work out.

3. Set the example.  If you love something, your child is much more likely to love it.  Take the time to learn things that you are interested in.  Turn off your own digital media and open a book.  Work a math problem.  Discuss politics at the dinner table.  Get excited about what you're learning and it will be contagious.  Just like teaching a child to pray by doing it yourself and gently encouraging them to try it, you can inspire learning.  Our example has a huge influence on our children.

4.  Enjoy your kids.  The best part about homeschooling is the time you have with your own kids!  Enjoy them.  Make it fun for all of you.  Keep it positive and relish their successes.  Focus on them instead of checklists or academic measures.  Those things will fall into place.

5. Watch your pressure.  You can create a 'hate of learning' by putting too much pressure and drill work into homeschool.  That's how the public schools operate.  Kids don't often come home from school loving the subjects they've been studying.  Kids need a certain amount of pressure (often this is just positive encouragement), but feel it out each and every day.  Keep it right.  Watch your child's reactions.  Go at their pace and attention span.  You can allow them to make learning goals and choose areas of study as they are ready.  Drill work is only helpful if they are actually learning something from it.  Often it's useless.  Gauge that.  In our home we have a requirement that we work hard every day.  We explain that working hard every day brings happiness.  I remind them of this when they are reluctant to start school time.  They have the option to choose between school work and other extra assigned work.  I can't make them learn anything, so they have this option.  This may sound hard, but they don't take it that way.  They have yet to choose other assigned work because somewhere inside they recognize that they enjoy learning even if it takes effort.  :)

6. Give it time.  I was terrified when we started homeschooling, but felt it was important for our family.  I had every single one of those fears I listed above, but I started simple as indicated above and focused on enjoying the journey.  As I was inspired and ready we added things (i.e. math time and reading time).  It takes months to see academic progress so the beginning took patience and courage.  At times I wondered if we were lacking, but at the same time I KNEW we were succeeding because my more important goals (family, moral instruction, work) were coming true. 

At the beginning of this school year, we were lined up with a resource teacher through the local school district.  This was how we chose to comply with the state homeschool law (each state has different laws and different ways to fulfill them...I haven't found them to be intimidating).  On our first visit, she brought us some materials that indicated the measures our local school district uses to assess progress for Logan's grade level.  Like I said before, I have my own academic measures, BUT I sometimes worry about how my kids measure up to their grade level.  In my heart of hearts I believe this isn't important, but nevertheless I think about it sometimes.  I share this because I know it may be very important to someone else.  Anyway, we don't have to follow these measures, but she offered them as an FYI for us.  Much to my surprise (and admittedly relief), I noted that Logan was already beyond his grade level in nearly every area listed.  I didn't think he could possibly be ahead at that point because we spend so little time on the same things that the public school does (literally minutes versus days).  It showed me how a little positive learning at a child's pace can make huge strides.  At this point I know that both of my kids are two grade levels ahead in math, but we only do math about once a week.  Now I honestly don't care if my kids are ahead; I just want them to learn at their own pace and enjoy it.  It does help my confidence as a homeschool mom though.  I share this as encouragement. 

7. Just try it.  Almost anyone who has considered homeschooling however briefly is nervous about the idea.  So I'd say, using the tips above, just try it.  Try it when your kids are home on summer break.  Try it during the school year for that matter; you can re-enroll your kids back into the public school in a day if you change your mind.  If your child is preschool or kindergarten age, try it anytime.  Most laws don't require a child to be registered for school until age 6.  The rate of learning in a public classroom is slow enough that your child won't be in danger of 'falling behind' during a couple of months trial period.  It's a personal decision; allow yourself the chance to make it.      

Now for a couple of familiar myths.

Myth: Homeschooled children are socially backward.

This is the number one concern I hear from others, and one which I considered valid for many years.  A complete stranger overheard me and a friend talking about homeschooling last week, and asked me about this because this was the only thing hindering her daughter from taking her child's education into her own hands.  I felt I could assure her and did my utmost to do so.

Disclaimer: By 'socially backward' I am indicating those who struggle to have positive friendships and who have difficulty responding in social situations.  I am not saying it is necessarily a bad thing for someone who fits that description.  Some people are perfectly content in this way and it does not hinder their happiness in the least.  However, many are concerned with fitting in socially and enjoying friendships; this is why I address this.  I thoroughly enjoy my friendships, and desire my children to enjoy similar relations with others.

My personal observation is that homeschooled children are rather normal as a whole when it comes to social behavior.  As I've come to know more and more homeschool families, and realized more and more of my adult peers who were homeschooled, this is my conclusion.  They enjoy friendships, they can talk to others, and enjoy being with people.  Again in my observation, when social skills are lacking it is generally a result of the family.  Smith is as Smith does, or Jones is as Jones does.  My kids like to be around other people because they have a mother who likes to be around people.  They have many friends because their mother has many friends.  If I was more hesitant to foster friendships, I imagine they would be as well.  The same kids that are socially backward as homeschoolers would be socially backward as public schoolers.  How many kids in the public schools struggle with social skills?  I'll bet the proportion is at least the same as kids who are homeschooled.  It's just that no one notices the 'normal' homeschooled kids.  As one woman put it (I forget who), "Homeschool's best kept secret are the normal kids." 

We also need to ask: How does happiness factor in here?  Does social acceptance create happiness?  Are those homeschoolers who seem 'different' any less (or more) happy?  That's what really matters when it comes to this question.  Positive friendships add an aspect of happiness to my life, I won't deny it.  I enjoy many friendships.  Social acceptance doesn't usually have much to do with it.  So if I seem 'different', is there anything wrong with that?

Remedy and Encouragement:  So you're still worried about this?  I know my opinion on this matter likely won't sway someone.  There are MANY ways to provide positive social experiences for a homeschooled child.  Here are some: Allow them to play with other kids in the neighborhood after school hours.  Sign them up for sports, dance, art, music, or other classes where they will have time with their peers.  Join a homeschool group.  There are TONS of these everywhere!  Homeschool groups are famous for having social gatherings.  Make your own friends; chances are they have children too and the whole family can socialize.  Get to know the families at your church.  Make play dates for your kids.  Invite families into your home.  Offer to babysit.

Myth: Homeschooled children are behind academically. 

If you want statistics, run a quick internet search.  They are everywhere.  A higher percentage of homeschooled kids excel academically than public schooled kids, and they do just fine in college and adult life.  It's really up to the parent.  This certainly wasn't an important point in my thoughts today, so I really have nothing else to say in this area.

 

Conclusion 

I hope this has offered encouragement to anyone considering homeschooling, and I hope it has shed positive light on homeschool in general.  These are my personal thoughts, but I guarantee there are families out there that would be in love with homeschool if they attempted it.  I love it.  I relish this opportunity I have to be with my kids and to teach them.  If anything could have made parenting better for me this is it.  I'm so glad I didn't let my fears overcome me in this.  I had no idea how wonderful it would be.  It takes courage, but the rewards are tremendous.